I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
