I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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