I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
