Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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