Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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