I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
