She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
