If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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