i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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