Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
