did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
