She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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