i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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