She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
