Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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