Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
