YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
