So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
