Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
