What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
