3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
