I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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