"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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