New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
