Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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