We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
