they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
