I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
