She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
