Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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