My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
