and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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