I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
