Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
