She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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