cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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