Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
