Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
