11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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