Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
