Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
