Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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