if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
