In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
