So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
