I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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