My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
