brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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