okay pat passed out under dana's car
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
