Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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